Striving to Attain Consummate love

Sternberg, who is a Psychologist, argues that people can learn to attain consummate love. The first thing they need to recognize is that consummate love is like any other goal that people set for themselves. It is important to remember that many people in our society are not willing to commit themselves to this goal.

He also point out that if people commit themselves to the goal of consummate love they need to recognize that the road to consummate love is filled with obstacles and challenges.

First, people have different tastes, different beliefs, and different habits. As a result there are bound to be conflicts and problems. In order to deal with such differences people need to learn problem-solving skills.

One of the things they need to learn is how to identify a problem. A good starting place is too simple identifying the category to which it belongs. Does the conflict have to do with money, running the household, sexual preference, friends, religion, political beliefs and so forth?

Identifying the category helps to define the problem. Unless two people both agree on the problem, there is no point in trying to find the solution. Identifying the problem helps focus communication on the problem and prevent people from bringing in unrelated argument such as, "And furthermore, you never put the cap back on the toothpaste." Sometimes it may be important to seek the help of other people. If a goal, such as consummate love, is important, then people need to get the best help they can achieve that goal.

People who wish to attain true consummate love must take a growth orientation. By that I mean they must learn to accept that relationships are never perfect and are never cast in stone. People change and we need to learn to accept such change. People make mistakes and we need to learn to forgive. In the final analysis, we need to see obstacles as challenges and see the future in term of optimism and the possibility for growth.